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July marks two anniversaries: my first year of marriage, and the first day I quit my corporate job.

A year ago, I was at the height of wedding planning stress. As a Virgo perfectionist, it’s no surprise that I drove myself crazy with wedding planning. It felt like I had taken on a second job on top of my full-time one because I insisted on planning every last detail ourselves without a wedding planner or help from family. I completely underestimated the mental load and decision fatigue. I got so stressed that I ended up sick two days before the wedding.

Despite the tremendous stress of wedding planning, the big day was truly magical, and I’m so grateful we got to celebrate such a major life milestone surrounded by our family and friends. It was also incredibly rewarding to see our vision come to life, especially after I had unnecessarily agonized over every little detail. But I was running purely on adrenaline and completely crashed after the event. I didn’t even feel like looking through our photos until a year later, thanks to a mild case of post-wedding PTSD. In hindsight, I was totally burnt out from the pressure I had put on myself during wedding planning (sense a pattern here?)

People romanticize weddings and marriage, but I think part of my burnout from wedding planning came from the cognitive dissonance of feeling the exact opposite. I’ve never been the type who enjoys planning, especially not under the pressure of knowing that 100 guests were flying in from all over the world just for this one day. I felt like I had to deliver the perfect wedding vision not just for myself, but for everyone attending. In reality, I would’ve been just as happy with an intimate ceremony. While I don’t regret anything about our wedding, and actually feel proud that my partner and I overcame all the challenges and pulled off this group project together, it was an early sign of what happens when I overindex on other people’s expectations and lose sight of enjoying the process for myself.

Despite being a self-proclaimed anti-romantic when it comes to relationships, I’ve always been fascinated by the pursuit of love. I love binging dating reality shows - there’s something so intriguing about watching relationships form in real time, seeing what works, what doesn’t, and witnessing the chemistry (or lack thereof) between couples.

I recently watched Materialists, a modern romcom directed by Celine Song, who also made Past Lives. The film explores contemporary relationships through the eyes of a pragmatic matchmaker in New York. The movie was lighthearted yet thoughtful, and it offered an interesting commentary on the current state of dating - how people are often reduced to checklists and stat sheets.

As someone who once approached dating like a data analyst - yes, I’m slightly ashamed to admit I had a spreadsheet rating compatibility across multiple dimensions - I really resonated with the film’s thesis. My dating spreadsheet included categories, weighted averages, and a rule that any new prospect had to score higher than my ex. But of course, love doesn’t work that way. That spreadsheet went out the window when I met my now-husband - who, ironically, I probably wouldn’t have even swiped right on if we hadn’t met in person, since he definitely didn’t optimize his dating app profile. And yet, I fell head over heels for him.

I think I’ve always been obsessed with the concept of dating because I believe choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions in life. I value autonomy and independence, but I also believe that 1 + 1 > 2 when you find the right person to build a life with. And like many of life’s big decisions, dating involves plenty of factors we can’t control. Meeting the right person requires timing, luck, and a bit of yinyuan - and that unpredictability is what makes it so fascinating.

As a practicalist, I agree that we should approach marriage as a kind of business merger because it’s the most legally and financially entangled form of dating. That’s why it’s so important to choose a partner with complementary skills and the ability to co-navigate this unpredictable project called life. But I also think we, as a society, tend to overindex on tangible traits like income or career, while undervaluing the “intangible assets”: emotional safety, shared values, effective communication, chemistry. And it’s often those intangibles that make or break a long-term relationship.

TL;DR: a marriage is both a financial and emotional partnership between two people aligned on a shared life vision. A good marriage is a balance between logic and love, head and heart.

This year, as I celebrate our first wedding anniversary, I’m also celebrating another big milestone: leaving my corporate tech job after a decade of working my way up in the industry.

It was a decision that was both easy and hard. Easy because my intuition knew it was time. Hard because I had to let go of deeply ingrained fears and outdated beliefs that had kept me going for the past 30 years.

While I knew in my gut it was the right move for this next chapter, I don’t think I would’ve felt as ready to take the leap without my partner’s support. It’s the solid foundation we’ve built that gives me the safety to take risks and bet on myself. I feel at peace closing this chapter - one that taught me a lot about what I don’t want - and excited to create something that feels more aligned with who I am now. These two celebrations feel deeply intertwined - both marking the beginning of a life built with more intention, love, and hope for the future.

I’ll end with a love poem I wrote a few months ago, on a sleepless night shortly after we moved to Seattle. It captures the lessons from my past relationships - and why I knew he was the one for me.

He Said: A Love Poem

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They said 
Girls should be bubbly 
But I am
Usually grumpy 
 
They said 
If you love me
You would change for me
But then
I wouldn’t be happy

They said 
You’re asking for too much 
But I don’t want 
A relationship that’s subpar  

So when he said
I am enough 
He knocked down my walls and
Melted my heart 

And when he laughed
at my complaining 
I knew I’ve found 
The one for me  

Happy anniversary 
To my one and only
He

Burnout BFF

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