The Hardest Part of Burnout Isn’t the Work
Real stories from the Burnout BFF community + launch of our November reflection series.
I recently ran a survey for people who are burned out and feeling stuck at their jobs. About 30 people responded—and the overwhelming takeaway was the same: we need a space for honest conversations about burnout.
I asked everyone:
“What’s been the hardest part of dealing with burnout for you?”
The responses really moved me because I could resonate with all of them. I asked a few people if I could share theirs anonymously, because they capture what burnout really feels like.
The hardest part of dealing with burnout for me has been the shame I felt initially with having to explain to others—friends, family, colleagues—that I burned out. It caused me to take a medical leave, and then I left my job at the end of that leave. Although I know it was the right move for me personally and it’s done wonders for me since, the embarrassment was hard to overcome.
Connecting with others who have experienced similar and normalizing that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me that caused this to happen—it’s really the way corporate/tech life is set up that can cause anyone to burn out—has been so helpful in rewriting my narrative around the embarrassment and shame I once felt. Now I’m really proud to own my story and the career pivot I’m making. But it’s been a hard journey to get here.
— Full-time employee, tech
This sums up so much of what I felt when I went through burnout myself. It’s one thing to know you need to take care of yourself, and it’s another to have to justify it to people who might not understand.
I recently talked about why I don’t take people’s advice anymore for the exact same reason:
Choosing yourself, even when it doesn’t make sense to others, takes a lot of courage. The irony is that society often labels this kind of choice as “weak,” “selfish,” or “lazy,” when in reality it’s an act of strength and empowerment. There’s a reason airplane safety instructions tell us to put on our own oxygen masks first—because we can’t show up for others if we’re constantly sacrificing our own well-being.
Overcoming burnout taught me how deeply we internalize narratives that place blame on the individuals, when the system itself was never designed with our well-being in mind. I’m so proud of you for reclaiming your voice and choosing alignment over expectation.
The shame and guilt of feeling like a failure. It’s an incredibly isolating feeling, especially when you’re surrounded by high achievers and have traditionally always been one. Separating my self-worth from my career status is something I still work on every day.
— Self-employed, entertainment
This captures the struggles of the high-achiever identity so well. As someone who once measured success by job titles and income (hello, MBA life), I totally relate. Corporate life and hustle culture have long taught us that our worth equals our output. But the truth is that we have nothing to prove.
Only recently have I started unlearning those dysfunctional definitions of success— money, titles, status—and realizing that fulfillment comes from something much simpler: health, community, and purpose. When I look at many people in positions of power today, I don’t see those traits. And honestly, I neither respect nor aspire to be like them.
Unlearning deeply rooted beliefs takes time. For me, actively seeking out people and community that are living unconventional lives and pursuing their truths really help remind me that I’m not alone, and that there’s not “one way” to be successful or happy. It’s something I still have to consciously practice every day. And I hope we all give ourselves grace in that process.
The hardest part of dealing with burnout for me has been feeling disconnected from what I do. I work a typical 8–5 corporate job, but I often feel like I don’t belong in this kind of environment. Waking up early, spending my energy on someone else’s goals, and not feeling appreciated for what I contribute has made me lose motivation.
It’s not just physical tiredness—it’s the emotional exhaustion of realizing I want something more meaningful and aligned with who I really am. I believe that in 2025, we no longer need to follow these traditional work models that originated in the industrial era. I’ve always wanted more flexibility and freedom in how I work.
At the same time, I’ve never been the kind of person who avoids responsibilities or waits for direction. I’m punctual, proactive, and responsible. For me, freedom or flexibility doesn’t mean carelessness or lack of discipline; it means having the space to do my best work in a way that feels natural and meaningful.
And if I ever get tired, I want it to be from doing something I genuinely love—something that truly matters to me, not just a job that pays the bills.
— Full-time employee, social media designer
This response could have been written by me. I resonate so much with your philosophy about work, freedom, and autonomy. What truly burned me out wasn’t the workload—it was being in a system that didn’t value creative autonomy or align with my values.
And you’re so right: people who burn out are not exhausted because we’re “lazy” or “weak.” We’re often responsible, ambitious high performers who simply outgrow systems that no longer fit us. We know we deserve better, but we feel trapped. It’s not a lack of resilience that leads to burnout—it’s misalignment.
“And if I ever get tired, I want it to be from doing something I genuinely love”—
YES. Being tired from doing what you love hits different. Now that I’m pursuing work aligned with my purpose and passion, I think about it constantly—but it doesn’t feel like work. Even when I’m tired, every minute feels meaningful instead of draining.
I also love what you said about modern work models. Society built systems with rigid rules about how and when to work, even though everyone thrives differently. Technology (and now AI) has lowered so many barriers that we no longer need to follow outdated structures just to make a living. I truly believe that within the next decade, self-employment and creative, flexible careers will become the norm.
Launching the November Burnout BFF Community Reflection Series
Thank you to everyone who filled out the Burnout BFF Community survey and shared your stories. Reading your words reminded me that none of us are alone in feeling this way. Sometimes, all we need is a space for honest conversations to help normalize the burnout experience.
According to the survey, 85% of you said you want more resources on career transitions and intentional career planning. So this November, I’m launching something new—an Intentional Career Reflection Series.
Every Sunday in November, I’ll share a short prompt to help us reflect on how our work habits, beliefs, and choices contribute to burnout—and what alignment truly means to us.
This series is designed to be low-stress and low-time commitment (because let’s be real—if you’re burned out, you already have enough on your plate). Each week, I’ll feature a few reflections from the community in the next letter so we can learn from each other’s experiences.
If you’d like to join the Burnout BFF Community, subscribe and look out for the first prompt dropping this Sunday!
💬 What has been the hardest part of dealing with burnout for you?
❤️❤️😊💪